On being Honest...

You know, let's be honest here...how honest can one be?/  Especially when I probably know all of you reading this blog...right??  So, let me tell you some things about myself, okay??  I can be honest with myself...ha ha ha

I hate to be wrong...ever.  I don't take a shower everyday...and sometimes I can't remember when I took one last...I have pimples in my head (yuck...they suck) and sometimes on my face.  Ummmmm, really???  Didn't we all go through puberty, now I have to do it again???  I hate bullshit and I don't bullshit back!!

I love my kids and my husband...even when they get on my nerves.  I will always love my kids unconditionally...no matter what they do.  My husband...I will always love him even if I can't stand him sometimes, if that makes any sense???  He is a great dad to his kids and occasionally he can surprise me as a hubby too:)

I like my wine and I miss my cigarettes.  I love to bake and make other people happy eating my stuff!!  I try my hand at cooking and am pretty good at it...I just don't know how to chop and dice and stuff.  All in all, my kids should consider themselves lucky to have me as their chef!!

I have a very low self-esteem on most days but cover it up well with my stand-offishness or bitchiness.  Though, I've discovered that I really don't care what anyone else thinks these days and am starting to really like myself.   Wow, that only took like 36 years...here's hoping I can instill confidence in my children.

Friendships- yes, I am always learning how to be a good friend.  I was always shy in high school (Ok, so I wasn't allowed to do anything other than school stuff and work so why bother, right).  I think I started to blossom in college but I am still figuring out and learning who I want to be.

I am a mess when it comes to fashion and hair and make-up.  I just don't know how to really do any of it.  I hate the 'natural' red on my face...I hate my 'big' lips (my nickname in middle school was Fish Lips... soooooo, it may be hip now, I was made fun of for them at a very vulnerable age, ok????)

I don't always connect with DJ even though I try.  I get frustrated when all of them want dadyy all the time and would rather have daddy do stuff with them...jealous, perhap???  But, maybe it's just a feeling of not being wanted??  Does that make sense??

I am a very sensitive person and sometimes jump to the wrong conclusions.  I will cry like a baby, laugh like a hyena, and walk like a soldier when I have too...

Some days I look in the mirror and I think, wow- I am pretty and not as fat/big as I thought.  And then, there are those days where I just don't want to look in the mirror for fear of what I'll see.

I learned today that we all need to Laugh, Listen and Look!!  I'd also add in there- Love, Live and Learn.  Oh, and going back to my college days...here's what I always insisted to everyone I met- You must get 3 hugs daily so that you feel loved and someone feels loved back.  More is better...but no less than 3.  I am lucky b/c I can always get at least 4 a day (see, there is a definite plus to having several children).  And, with Max and Franny girls around, I pretty much get an unlimited supply of snuggles!!!

And so, here is my final thought of this entry (my random thought):  don't let your almost 3 year old take a box of wipes out of your sight...he will take them all out, try to wipe the butt of an American Girl doll and put them all back in the container...lol...and, they will all be ripped in half so that when I go to wipe his butt, I only have 1/2 a wipe to do it with...