So, yesterday I embarrassed myself and talked about Poop...thought I'd just add to that and talk about Sweat!! OK... here goes:)
Sweating, I think, can be embarrassing and gross. Yes, I know. I do get those wonderful pits of wetness for all the world to see. Though, I've noticed that if I don't shave my pits, the wet pit isn't as noticeable?? Weird, right?? The hair must just soak it all up or something. When there is no hair, it's like every pore is a faucet with a constant leak...you know?? Maybe?? So, if notice hairy armpits on me, please don't fret. It's b/c I don't want that silk shirt to get ruined from my rivers of sweat, ok???
Which is grosser: big old water marks under your pits or hairy pits??
And so, here we are, entering the biggest sweatiest time of year for us. Here are some things to look out for and some tips to keeping yourself 'dry':
- Swamp Ass...very common when sitting in hot gymnasiums, dancing in hot rooms, or sitting in a vehicle with no AC for long periods of time. I'm pretty sure there is no cure for this one...bring extra undies and shorts and sit on a towel:)
- Toilet slip and slide... very common to those with Swamp Ass. Be careful when sitting on the toilet as you might just slip and slide right off...especially if the Swamp moved to the backs of your thighs. I recommend powder yourself before sitting:)
- Arm pit circles... yeah, there is no cure for this. Even those deodorants they thing are 'clinically' proven to prevent it... those are bogus. Just use something that smells good so that every time you sweat, the nice smell comes out!! Powder can only do so much here. I also recommend lots of tank tops that are darker in color as they don't show the 'wet spot' like a lighter colored shirt would.
- Slick Skin... jump in the kiddie pool (or 'accidentally' trip into it making sure to cover your whole body). People will think you are wet from the water and not from your actual sweat pouring off you skin
- Hot Feet... my feet sweat all the time, all year round. So, I LOVE summer time specifically b/c I can wear flipflops and my feet stay dry all summer long... Well, that is until I fall into the kiddie pool or something.. But, if you must wear sneakers, I say throw some powder in there. Nothing is going to stop the foot smell from all that sweating but powder will mask it a little bit. Those sprays are just as gross as the smell of your sneaker...think bowling alley shoe spray!!
- The lower back pool... yeah, that's a fun one, right?? just don't lean into anything and wear a loose shirt!! You can go into the bathroom and soak it up. Or, if you're feeling kinda crazy, throw a rubber ducky back there to see if it floats on sweat!! LOL
- Sweating twin powers, Activate!! ha ha... yeah, that just sounds gross
- The sweating in places we don't want to talk about... yeah, we'll keep on not talking about it. But, we'll all know you're sweating if we hear the swish swish as you walk. Again, a fall into the kiddie pool is perfect!! Or you could 'accidentally' fall down the slip and slide?? Or not...let's not forget that we are not children anymore and sliding down that thing might do more damage than good...
I hope you stay cool. Always carry some powder, extra deodorant and some body spray!!
And Happy Sweating!!
Here's some 'real' info on underarm sweating..
Just in case you were interested in the definition (now that's a lot of info):
v. sweat·ed or sweat, sweat·ing, sweats
1. To excrete perspiration through the pores in the skin; perspire.
2. To exude in droplets, as moisture from certain cheeses or sap from a tree.
3. To condense atmospheric moisture.
a. To release moisture, as hay in the swath.
b. To ferment, as tobacco during curing.
a. To work long and hard.
b. To suffer much, as for a misdeed.
6. Informal To fret or worry.
1. To excrete (moisture) through a porous surface, such as the skin.
2. To gather and condense (moisture) on a surface.
3. To cause to perspire, as by drugs, heat, or strenuous exercise.
4. To make damp or wet with perspiration.
5. To cause to work excessively; overwork.
6. To overwork and underpay (employees).
a. To interrogate (someone) under duress: sweated the suspected spy for hours.
b. To extract (information) from someone under duress: The police sweated the information out of the suspect.
8. Metallurgy To join (metal parts) by interposing cold solder and then heating.
9. To steam (vegetables or other food).
10. Informal To fret or worry about: Don't sweat the details.
1. The colorless saline moisture excreted by the sweat glands; perspiration.
2. Condensation of moisture in the form of droplets on a surface.
a. The process of sweating.
b. A condition or period of sweating: worked up a sweat raking leaves.
c. The condition of being sweated.
4. Strenuous, exhaustive labor; drudgery.
5. A run given to a horse as exercise before a race.
6. Informal An anxious, fretful condition.
7. sweats Informal A sweatsuit.
sweat out SlangIdioms:
1. To endure anxiously: sweat out an exam.
2. To await (something) anxiously: sweat out one's final grades.
no sweat Slang
Easily done or handled.
sweat blood Informal
1. To work diligently or strenuously.
2. To worry intensely.
sweat bullets Slang
To sweat profusely.
sweat of (one's) brow
Hard work: "keep what they produced by the sweat of their brow" (Mario Puzo).