Yes... we're back to DJ again. And, yes, I know... you all are going to say to 'Just do something already'.
I know there's something up with him that is not normal 'boy' behavior. I should know b/c I'm his mother, right?? And now is the time for action. I know this. Really I do. But, perhaps I'm a little scared about it. I don't know why... sometimes I feel like I should have done something different. Did I not hug him enough as a baby?? Did I not pay enough attention to him thus far in his little life?? Could I have reacted differently to him and his actions?? Am I just doing this all wrong and his behavior is a direct result of Me?? I often feel at a loss with him and perhaps I tend to just skim over it instead of dealing with it head on. He is, after all, half of me and a product of me and my actions.
Wow, can you say guilt?? Yup... And, sometimes embarrassment and disappointment. I know...horrible for a mother to feel that way. And guilty as charged for feeling that way.
So, what brings us to this entry?? His last incident included the throwing of beer bottles into my deck and yard to see if they would break. And, thinking that it was ok to bring the 3 yr old into the mix and let him throw them too. Yes...that's right. And yes, they did break. And it's taken me a week to actually get up the nerve to write about it b/c I am still upset that my child would do something like that. And I can be embarrassed b/c I know most of you who read this and, yes, I worry sometimes about what people will think. Oh, there goes that Dawn chick and her son who she can't control. I'm just gonna say 'hi' and keep on going...or, don't make eye contact b/c I don't want to make conversation in case DJ comes up and we have to talk about him or try and make a playdate with them. Yes, these are the things that go through my head... DJ doesn't have many friends that he plays with outside of school. And, sometimes I worry about that. Is that normal?? His teacher says he gets along with all of his classmates but he is never invited anywhere and has only received 1 bday party invite this year. And, of course the party is tomorrow night during his punishment period. Oh, and it's with a neighbor who he does get along with and it doesn't hurt that his mom sees the best in Every kid (even mine). He wasn't invited to the other neighbor party (and he could hear them all having fun and I could tell he was upset about it b/c the other neighbor boys were there). I understand why he wasn't invited, but he doesn't...you know?
So, back to the beer bottle incident: He says he doesn't know why he did it... but I am pretty sure he knows he shouldn't have. And before you ask, I was not home. He seems to be at his worse when I am at work on Thursday afternoons and there is someone other than a parent watching him.
Acting out?? Maybe. Trying to get away with things he would never get away with if his parents were home?? Maybe. Trying to get attention?? Maybe.
It could be any number of things, right?? It's all so confusing to try and figure it out. So, I scour the internet for information and try to figure it out for myself. I know...we should never self-diagnose using the internet. But, I like to try and see what I'm up against. Don't worry, a call to the doc is in the future for this one.
What frustrates me too, is the whole paperwork crap we need to fill out and have filled out in order to have him evaluated. When talking to his teacher face to face, I feel like I get the real story. But when I get his report cards home, there are standard comments in the comment sections like there are no problems. And when the ADHD paperwork comes back from the teacher, I feel like it wasn't answered as honestly as it could have been. I guess, we will see what happens when they run the questionnaires against their systems, right??
According to an online 'checklist' (it was actually the same questions on the questionnaire I rec'd from doctor), he does show signs of ADHD but not of Impulsivity. Again, who knows, right??
All I know is that I am exhausted. And I am clueless. How's that for honesty here people?? I am 100% and utterly clueless.
OK... I think that's about all I have for tonight. Here are some links in case you want to read up on either the ADHD and Impulsive Behavior:)