Holiday pic

Holiday pic

Thursday, May 24, 2012

ADHD and Impulsive Behavior

Yes... we're back to DJ again.  And, yes, I know... you all are going to say to 'Just do something already'.

I know there's something up with him that is not normal 'boy' behavior.  I should know b/c I'm his mother, right??  And now is the time for action.  I know this.  Really I do.  But, perhaps I'm a little scared about it.  I don't know why... sometimes I feel like I should have done something different.  Did I not hug him enough as a baby??  Did I not pay enough attention to him thus far in his little life??  Could I have reacted differently to him and his actions??  Am I just doing this all wrong and his behavior is a direct result of Me??  I often feel at a loss with him and perhaps I tend to just skim over it instead of dealing with it head on.  He is, after all, half of me and a product of me and my actions.

Wow, can you say guilt??  Yup... And, sometimes embarrassment and disappointment.  I know...horrible for a mother to feel that way.  And guilty as charged for feeling that way.

So, what brings us to this entry??  His last incident included the throwing of beer bottles into my deck and yard to see if they would break.  And, thinking that it was ok to bring the 3 yr old into the mix and let him throw them too.  Yes...that's right.  And yes, they did break.  And it's taken me a week to actually get up the nerve to write about it b/c I am still upset that my child would do something like that.  And I can be embarrassed b/c I know most of you who read this and, yes, I worry sometimes about what people will think.  Oh, there goes that Dawn chick and her son who she can't control.  I'm just gonna say 'hi' and keep on going...or, don't make eye contact b/c I don't want to make conversation in case DJ comes up and we have to talk about him or try and make a playdate with them.  Yes, these are the things that go through my head...  DJ doesn't have many friends that he plays with outside of school.  And, sometimes I worry about that.  Is that normal??  His teacher says he gets along with all of his classmates but he is never invited anywhere and has only received 1 bday party invite this year.  And, of course the party is tomorrow night during his punishment period.  Oh, and it's with a neighbor who he does get along with and it doesn't hurt that his mom sees the best in Every kid (even mine).  He wasn't invited to the other neighbor party (and he could hear them all having fun and I could tell he was upset about it b/c the other neighbor boys were there).  I understand why he wasn't invited, but he doesn't...you know?

So, back to the beer bottle incident: He says he doesn't know why he did it... but I am pretty sure he knows he shouldn't have.  And before you ask, I was not home.  He seems to be at his worse when I am at work on Thursday afternoons and there is someone other than a parent watching him.

Acting out??  Maybe.  Trying to get away with things he would never get away with if his parents were home??  Maybe.  Trying to get attention??  Maybe.

It could be any number of things, right??  It's all so confusing to try and figure it out.  So, I scour the internet for information and try to figure it out for myself.  I know...we should never self-diagnose using the internet.  But, I like to try and see what I'm up against.  Don't worry, a call to the doc is in the future for this one.

What frustrates me too, is the whole paperwork crap we need to fill out and have filled out in order to have him evaluated.  When talking to his teacher face to face, I feel like I get the real story.  But when I get his report cards home, there are standard comments in the comment sections like there are no problems.  And when the ADHD paperwork comes back from the teacher, I feel like it wasn't answered as honestly as it could have been.  I guess, we will see what happens when they run the questionnaires against their systems, right??

According to an online 'checklist' (it was actually the same questions on the questionnaire I rec'd from doctor), he does show signs of ADHD but not of Impulsivity.  Again, who knows, right??

All I know is that I am exhausted.  And I am clueless.  How's that for honesty here people??  I am 100% and utterly clueless.

OK... I think that's about all I have for tonight.  Here are some links in case you want to read up on either the ADHD and Impulsive Behavior:)

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/adhd/ds00275/dsection=symptoms

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/adhd/l/bl_adhd_quiz.htm

http://www.livestrong.com/article/158184-impulsive-behavior-in-a-child/

http://www.education.com/reference/article/impulsive-behavior-children/

15 comments:

  1. Okay sweetie, you know I am ADHD correct?

    I wasn't diagnosed until college and never told anyone because well I was embarrased. I have the attention span of a spoon and sometimes it appears that I am not caring (which anyone who knows me knows the truth.) Mine is not managed with drugs although someimes I think it should be but with alternative therapies. Like putting myself into jobs that allow me to change focus (Kraft not so much, you stock their way or the highway... oh the joys of being adhd and not being able to change focus.)

    This isn't my parents fault, this isn't anyone's fault. It is just how I am wired... That is all. But once I was given the tools to manage and sometimes for lack of a better word just go with it.. I was better. So get him in with someone outside the school, and allow that to happen. This is not your FAULT!!!!! It is just how he is wired, and once you figure that out, you can help him manage to it, again him manage to it because that is a life lesson and one of my best!!!

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  2. Michelle, you made me cry 8( I know how long Dawn has struggled with this challenge of DJ and I know she will put the so called embarrassment aside and do what is right for her son. My son gets along great with DJ, but there are some things lately (that Dawn has told me) that make me worried that DJ is going down the wrong path. It's not too late to change that, I am sure of it 8) As easy as it would be to keep a distance from Dj and his "antics" (for lack of a better word), friends stand by friends and see them thru the hard times!

    Sounds like you are getting the preliterate research done....enlist Dr B too? (if you haven't already) Hang in there sista!

    OXOX

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    1. Thanks sista!! Dr B is enlisted!! And, yes, she made me cry too..

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  3. Dawn, don't go through school. Please. I've seen people get soo misdiagnosed. Go to doc B. Please. And stop with the embarrassmemt and any defense mechanisim. This is your son. That's all that matters.

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  4. I also have ADHD and do take meds for it and I too am embarrased. But there is something I took during pregnancy called Theanine which is natural for calming the nervous system. I strongly suggest cutting sugary drinks and other things with a lot of sugar from his diet. Only a suggestion. I think Dj is great. Everything will work out. Hang in there. There is help out there! Xoxo jaime. Ps I have the inattentive type of ADD. My medication helps my brain process info as it is coming in, both visually and auditorilly.

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    1. Thanks for sharing:) And thanks for your support!! I do appreciate it!!

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  5. I recommend therapy over drugs any day of the week, but you have to find someone to work with him and ways to keep him busy. Both of my children have ADD and they have to be scheduled down to the minute or things happen. Organization is a big key, lists and organization. They help everyone!

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    1. Thanks... I am very hesitant to even discuss drugs with the doctor... I agree on the lists/organization b/c when I have them and follow them, things are definitely smoother. It's when we get lax about them that things get hectic again...

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  6. This is not your fault, Dawn. Nothing you did or didn't do is causing this behavior. It's just how he's "wired." Please don't beat yourself up over this. Take that energy and focus it towards helping him the best way you can. Be it through traditional therapies or alternative routes or even a combination of both. I know this would be very difficult with your work schedule and having 4 kids, but have you considered or tried dietary changes? As in eliminating any processed/boxed/canned foods that have unpronounceable chemicals/additives in them? As a previous poster suggested, taking excess sugar out of the diet should help as well. If you are interested in reading about how dietary changes can help, let me know and I can give you a couple of book/article references to read. Hang in there :-)

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    1. Kristyn- I've looked/researched dietary things and I always feel overwhelmed reading it all. I am not the best eater myself and DJ is probably one of the pickiest eaters I know. I wouldn't even know where to start with this and I don't think there is any way I could possibly take away his ketchup as he uses it to eat just about everything!! lol I do try to make a nice dinner that is healthy, not out of a box/can every night...though there are some nights that it can't be helped. I am a true meat/starch/veggie kinda cooker..

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    2. It most definitely can be overwhelming. I know that from when I did my 21-Day Sugar Detox program in January. But, even if you start with one change now, then another in a week or month, then another one after that. Just break it down into steps and it won't be so overwhelming to do. You don't have to do it ALL at once. Baby steps :-) Plus, whatever changes you make for DJ could certainly benefit everyone's health in the family, not just his. Just a suggestion.

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  7. Dawn not your fault as DJ is a very loved child by his parents and by others who kow him. He just needs help and maybe with the summer approaching you can get him on meds and work with him. Also folks who "watch" them should do just that... watch them. They should also know about ADHD and know what his limits are. Yo are a super mom and you will know what to do for your child. Go to some one who specializes in ADHD..

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  8. I wouldn't wait for the school if you can get him to another doctor in the meantime. I totally understand your hesitation about medications but if after trying behavioral therapy or other changes you still can't see progress I would consider something. My friend's young son actually thanked her once he got on medication because he felt so much better. It must be terribly frustrating for DJ to not be able to control his behavior. If you can you might want to start with cutting out artificial food dyes, esp red. I've heard that can make a world of difference for some kids. And I agree with the previous post that whoever was watching them should have been watching. I know you're embarrassed by this, but I don't think you should be... I'm glad he didn't throw Max off the deck instead! Thank God for friends that see the best in everyone. Wish there were more people like that!

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