Since becoming a parent, almost 9 years ago, I have tried to raise all of my kids the Right way. Is there a right way, you ask?? Probably not and I know I've made a ton of mistakes. I also know my kids will be in therapy for some of the stuff I've tried with them...lol
But, your kids are a Reflection of who you are, I think. And, I think this is why I have such a hard time accepting DJ for who he is... I know, back to the whole DJ thing, right? You're saying 'Just get over it... he is who he is and he can't help it' But, I lack some self-confidence and I feel as though I am being judged for who my son is. How horrible does that sound, right?? He's not a bad kid...just a kid with a lot of energy who has problems sitting still. And sometimes has problems listening...but I guess you could say, What kid doesn't?? I am slowly getting over some of the embarrasment I sometimes feel but there are times when I just don't get it. How could I have a kid that's so off the wall?? And when he does have his 'mood' swings (they're awful) and his foot stomping episodes, it drives me crazy. It's a constant struggle to accept this from him and calmly deal with it... I know we joke in my family that he's a special kid. But, sometimes it gets to me. I was watching him in gymnastics today and it drove me insane watching him literally bounce off his imaginary walls. I feel like I could've done something differently or should know how to control him...and I feel like I, personally, am being judged.
Most days, I can shake it off...but today did not start out as a good day so these things tend to bother me when I'm already having one of those dull and dreary days. Max (love him) wanted a kiss and afterwards said "Do you feel happy now Mommy?" Well, he did make me smile!! And DJ makes me smile in other ways and I do TRY. I guess that's all I can do, right?? JUST LET IT GO AND ACCEPT HIM FOR WHO HE IS AND STOP BLAMING MYSELF FOR TRYING TO MAKE HIM WHO HE ISN'T. Whew...I feel better!!
Back to the beginning of my day... Hubby and I didn't get off to a great start. Nope... it was pretty bad. We had words (loud words) and I was informed that I yell at our kids more then he does and if I didn't believe him I should go ask a family member who shan't be named b/c they said it to him. Nice, right? I know that I yell at them a lot more than I want to. And I feel completely awful when I do. I feel like I need a week's worth of sleep and a ton of couples therapy with hubby...maybe we would communicate better?? Maybe we would LISTEN to each other better?? A couples retreat anyone?? perhaps we can be reminded of why we fell in love... it's been 10 years now and a lot has happened. 4 kids, a house, bills, making ends meet while keeping 1 parent home, broken cars, sleepless nights, etc. Great things and shitty things and we are still here. Now, we just need to figure out how to get us over this hump and move on to enjoy what we do have, you know??
So, back to our children and how they are a reflection of ourselves: I am so proud of my kids and happy to know that they truly are GREAT kids in every way!! We are doing something right. Both kids had rave reviews from their teachers tonight!! Aside from the annoying noises DJ makes to disrupt his class that is. They are both doing Awesome academically and both teachers commented on how polite they are and that they are just good kids. Now, I just have to remember that when they both piss me off for something...lol DJ is Mr Social in his class and Kyra is Ms Manners (always willing to help others... apparently she is getting close to being fluent in sign language and often helps other students with this)
I know, this post is all over the place...thanks for being patient with me... I will leave you with my thoughts: I will be more patient, I will try to stop yelling so much, I will accept my children for the beautiful individuals they are and I will get over myself to do all of this!!