I woke up this morning a little pissed at my husband. I know, I know... when we decided to take the plunge and live the rest of our lives together, we promised NEVER to go to bed ANGRY. He wasn't angry at me and I'm sure he didn't know that I was pissed at him...so that's on Me. I stewed about it for a bit and then I thought about it and then I came to a conclusion about us...and what's going on lately:
We are both going through life at our own pace and learning things about ourselves and trying to improve things at our own pace. I am at a completely different place with who I am and who I want to be... I am finally realizing (yes, being honest here...) that my children should be my #1 focus and doing anything to make them Better People should be my #1 priority!! Does this mean that I've been a horrible Mom over the past 9.75 years?? I don't think so. It just means that I raised my kids a different way and now I want to go in another direction. I was the Best Mom that I knew how to be...BUT... now I want to be a Better Mom!! I want to put aside that TV show and spend a few more minutes listening to my child's day or reading a book with them. I want to make sure they have everything packed and ready to go for the next day...including any after school materials we will need for activities. Yes, this instead of running around like a crazy lady in the morning trying to get everything ready. I want to be a bit more organized this year. I am not awake every 2-3 hours to nurse a baby and I am not sleeping on the couch with her anymore either. So, I should be able to focus a bit more, right???
I also should NOT get angry at my hubby b/c he's not at this step yet. We all change and grow at our own pace and we shouldn't get angry when the other isn't right there with us, right?? Especially when you don't tell your spouse what you're trying to do. As I've said before, I lack a certain quality called Effective Communication... especially when dealing with the spouse. And yet, we've still made it 11 years!!
Now, I also know that I am no saint. I have my ups and downs and I have my unreasonable expectations (you know, like the ones where I expect the dishes to be done while I'm away...lol). I can also be a bit of a Bitch at times..ok, so I can be a bit of a BIG Bitch at times. Hey, some of you are born happy while some of us are born Bitchy, right??? Right???
It's just time, for Me, to start being a better Mom...that's all. Maybe I also need to just accept the spouse for who he is and move on, no?? He is who he is and who am I to tell him to change too... I'm not gonna sit here and tell you all what a fantastic person he is and that he's my soul mate and all that BS about how much I love him and can't get along without him. Because, quite frankly, we don't have a perfect marriage. We fight, we yell, we get angry... but, we also love each other and yes, we do kiss and make up. It's just not a hunky dory perfect life. There are ups and downs...and we've weathered them together. And, I guess, that's the important part, right?? I mean, they don't call it make-up sex for no reason...ha ha ha... TMI??
What's up next:
Franny vs Puppy (just tweaking this one... coming soon)
Not just a stay at home Mom
Whatever else I can think of...lol...
Hope you are all having a great night.. If you want to read about what we were doing 11 years ago, feel free... here are the links to my 'Night Before' and Night of'...
http://honestfamilyliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/10-years-ago-part-1.html
http://honestfamilyliving.blogspot.com/2011/09/10-years-ago-part-2-then-and-now.html
Dawn, I just want to say I think you ARE already a good Mommy. YOU care so much and do so much to make your family better in many ways. Just look at these pictures you post...nothing but happiness written all over them. No couples marraige or life is perfect...define perfect....I was told once by an elderly person that your kids shoul d/ have to see the adverse side of marraige so they too understand that people fight and disagree but it isn't the end of the world, life goes on and you still love each other and are STILL together. Being a stay at home Mom myself (with the numerous part time jobs to survive)I remember feeling many of the ways you feel. I think perhaps we put more pressure on ourselves because the majority of society cannot comprehend that we WOULD stay home and not have that corporate job while PAYING someone else to raise our children. These are all just growing pains. Keep doing what you are doing and in the end you will be greatly pleased at how your children turn out. TIME and LOVE is so much more to give our kids than the next popular toy, brand name clothes or computer game.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys!
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