Holiday pic

Holiday pic

Sunday, September 9, 2012

A Mother's Biggest Fear

We all have fears.  Some are big and some are little.  But there is one thing that I fear most.  A fear that would most likely break me.  A fear that has happened to another mother near by.

Yes, a mother lost her child this weekend and my heart has been breaking.

 I sit here trying to write about this and my eyes cannot stop flowing.  I know this mom.  And any of us could be her.  And it makes me want to hold onto each and every one of mine that much harder.  It could happen to anyone, at anytime, with no warning.

And then you think, what can I do??  What will make this better for the Mom??  Can anything help??  I don't know.  Do you??

I am one of those 'closet' mourners.  I don't express my feelings to others.  I keep it hidden and behind closed doors.  I am afraid to reach out for fear that I will lose it and begin to cry in front of those that are the ones who should be crying.  How does that make it better??  And so, I stay behind closed doors and mourn for them here.  I am a coward.  I know this.  I did this last year when someone else I know lost a baby during labor.  I hid here and cried for her and remembered my losses and cried some more.  And I just couldn't face it.  Yup...complete coward.

I couldn't even tell DJ about this b/c I couldn't stop crying.  Hubby had to step in and tell him.  Why tell DJ??  DJ is good friends with the little sister of the girl who died.  DJ should know what his friend is going through. DJ knows about death b/c my father died when he was 4.  He knows grandpa is in heaven and can see us always...even if DJ can't see him back.  I don't know what's going on in DJ's mind about it.  He took it in stride...but you could tell he was upset about the news.  And I know, in DJ style, he will ask questions randomly throughout the week.  He's not like me, though.  He probably wouldn't cry if he went to talk to his friend.  Thank goodness!!

In the event that you will need to talk to your child, I have a few links here (yeah, I probably should've looked these up before telling DJ...but didn't...we just blurted it out..oops)

And so, I will end this with the following advice:  Hold those that are near and dear to you close, for you never know when you will lose them!!

We go through life so often
Not stopping to enjoy the day,
And we take each one for granted
As we travel on our way.

We never stop to measure
Anything we just might miss,
But if the wind should blow by softly
You'll feel an angel's kiss.

A kiss that is sent from Heaven
A kiss from up above,
A kiss that is very special
From someone that you love. 

For in your pain and sorrow
An angel's kiss will help you through,
This kiss is very private
For it is meant for only you. 

So when your hearts are heavy
And filled with tears and pain,
And no one can console you
Remember once again..... 

About the ones you grieve for
Because you sadly miss
And the gentle breeze you took for granted
Was just......... "an angel's kiss."

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