Saturday, January 28, 2012
I am feeling totally boxed in to being a good mother and wife that I feel like I'm losing my sense of freedom. Does that make any sense?? The day to day struggles of Mommyhood (there is no listed definition for word) are making me feel inadequate and unsatisfied. How horrible does that sound?? Feeling this way makes the Mommy guilt pour on top of the Claustrophobia Mommy and it makes me want to shout out and scream. Wouldn't we all feel better if we just let it out?? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Hey, I do feel just a bit better. I guess I have to work on releasing the crap from my brain and body???
I'm not just a stay at home mom either. I work at a library and I do birthday parties at a pre-school and I watch someone else's baby and occasionally I sell my baked goods or take pictures at somebody else's party.
I don't even really feel like drinking my glass of wine at night anymore. Now that's a true sign of something wrong, don't you think?? Though, I guess not drinking it is better than downing the whole bottle, right?? ha ha
Change starts from within, right?? And if we start to change, will those around us begin to change as well?? In my recent experience, those around you (namely MY hubby...) do not change based on your changes. My kids, though, will change their behavior to suit your mood. I know I'm having an off week but I know that I've tried and continue to try really really hard to be a better mother. Perhaps trying to be a better mother and wife just can't happen at the same time?? Or perhaps, I just got dejected knowing that my husband will never change and I will have to learn to live with the things that he does/says that bother me?? Does being a better mother mean giving everything else up...when I say everything else, I mean that crap that I do outside of the home?? Should I stop wanting more and just accept the fact that I have 4 kids who need my attention?? Or do I continue to try and better myself by baking (sounds funny, huh?? let's get you educated in the kitchen..lol)?
I think... don't everyone fall over laughing b/c I'm thinking... but I think I really need to set up some Goals for myself and actually follow through on them. Including Mommyhood goals...along with some personal ones. Perhaps if I write it all down, I can balance being a Mom and an Individual. What do you think?? Do you set goals for yourself? Do you feel claustrophobic in your life at times??
Maybe I'm just feeling this way because I missed my sweaty treadmill walk and (I think) my body is working on it's first period in 2 years?? Hmmmmm... I still think those goals would be a good thing to work on.