Self-doubt...

"If you start to doubt yourself, the real world will eat you alive"  ..a quote from Henry Rollins

This has always been one of my favorite sayings.. so much so, that I used to have it taped to my computer screen when I worked in the real world of offices and adults.  And, it really is sooooooo true.

Now, here's a little secret about ME that you might not know:  I am probably one of the most insecure person you may know.  Let's call me "The Closet Insecurity Broad"..ok??  Yes, it's true.  I second guess EVERYTHING I do.  Don't believe me, go ask hubby.  He fell for the 'Confident One' and soon realized it was really a facade for the real me.  I've come a LONG way since High School though...trust me.  In High School, I think people thought I was this bitchy, self-centered snob...but that, too, was a front.  I was really really really insecure about everything back then.

Now a days, it just creeps up on me every so often.  Don't we all doubt ourselves at some point in our lives??  Please tell me I'm not alone in this??  I don't know why I am that way...and I don't understand how others are so sure of themselves all the time (or what seems like all the time).

Going with this whole 'self-doubt' theme tonight, I am also very afraid of FAILURE.  I mean, who isn't, right??  Again, I am always second-guessing myself and what I'm doing and sometimes I just give up.  Why, because I don't want to fail.  Wow, how lame is that??  Seriously!!  I could slap myself silly sometimes!!

Did I also mention that I have a slight perfectionist  tick in me??  I try to keep this at bay, but sometimes I get really annoyed when things aren't done exactly as they should be.  I've also come A LONG way in this category.  For example, when hubby actually does the dishes for me, instead of telling him how he did it wrong (b/c it's only wrong in my head) I just fix it the next time I do them..lol.. we all have our own way of loading the dishwasher, right??  Right???

Now, become a MOM.

For the past (almost) 10 years, I have struggled to become a better person and be who I want my children to be.  And someone my children would be proud of.  And, yes, what a struggle it has been.  I question myself on a daily basis when it comes to motherhood.  It is the hardest thing in the world to do.  It also happens to be the most rewarding thing in the world.  I don't want my children to be 'un' confident about themselves.  I want them to believe in themselves and know that they are GREAT!!  I want them to go out there and try and try and try.  And if they should fail at something, I want them to know they are still Great and it's ok to fail!!  Because I know, that you cannot accomplish anything without trying.  And if they try and succeed, how Awesome is that!!  Right??

And so, I continue on this journey of life and motherhood knowing that I will make mistakes.  In friendship, I will make mistakes.  In marriage, I will make mistakes.  But, I also know that my children, true friends and hubby will keep me sane and focused to continue on and succeed!!

Conceive it.  Believe it.  Achieve it.

For Them!!

Have a great day!!  I will be attempting a new cookie design tomorrow for a great 'camp out' and a great friend's house!!