Claustrophobic Mommyhood??

You see that person inside that box trying to get out??  Now, imagine my inside there but instead of walls there are children, a hubby, jobs, dishes, laundry, feeding, etc etc etc.  And that about sums it up for me these days.

I am feeling totally boxed in to being a good mother and wife that I feel like I'm losing my sense of freedom.  Does that make any sense??  The day to day struggles of Mommyhood (there is no listed definition for word) are making me feel inadequate and unsatisfied.  How horrible does that sound??  Feeling this way makes the Mommy guilt pour on top of the Claustrophobia Mommy and it makes me want to shout out and scream.  Wouldn't we all feel better if we just let it out??  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hey, I do feel just a bit better.  I guess I have to work on releasing the crap from my brain and body???

I'm not just a stay at home mom either.  I work at a library and I do birthday parties at a pre-school and I watch someone else's baby and occasionally I sell my baked goods or take pictures at somebody else's party.

I don't even really feel like drinking my glass of wine at night anymore.  Now that's a true sign of something wrong, don't you think??  Though, I guess not drinking it is better than downing the whole bottle, right??  ha ha

Change starts from within, right??  And if we start to change, will those around us begin to change as well??  In my recent experience, those around you (namely MY hubby...) do not change based on your changes.  My kids, though, will change their behavior to suit your mood.  I know I'm having an off week but I know that I've tried and continue to try really really hard to be a better mother.  Perhaps trying to be a better mother and wife just can't happen at the same time??  Or perhaps, I just got dejected knowing that my husband will never change and I will have to learn to live with the things that he does/says that bother me??  Does being a better mother mean giving everything else up...when I say everything else, I mean that crap that I do outside of the home??  Should I stop wanting more and just accept the fact that I have 4 kids who need my attention??  Or do I continue to try and better myself by baking (sounds funny, huh??  let's get you educated in the kitchen..lol)?

I think... don't everyone fall over laughing b/c I'm thinking... but I think I really need to set up some Goals for myself and actually follow through on them.  Including Mommyhood goals...along with some personal ones.  Perhaps if I write it all down, I can balance being a Mom and an Individual.  What do you think??  Do you set goals for yourself?  Do you feel claustrophobic in your life at times??

Maybe I'm just feeling this way because I missed my sweaty treadmill walk and (I think) my body is working on it's first period in 2 years??  Hmmmmm... I still think those goals would be a good thing to work on.

Stitches...

Max had a run in with the corner of my island earlier this evening... of course, neither parent was home.. so Mommy's Mommy had to deal with the blood.  It would appear as though the forehead area is now at the perfect height to the top of his forehead..

The cut almost looks like the Eiffel Tower, doesn't it?? 

Max, as most 3 years olds, have the utmost faith in being able to run forward while looking backwards and NOT getting hurt.  Now, my oldest son..you know, the one who antagonizes him the most??  was smart enough to wet a paper towel and start wiping away the blood... Go DJ!!  Max was a trooper and he was able to entertain the entire Emergency Room while we were there.  He talked a mile a minute, told some guy to cover his mouth while coughing, ran around in circles (guess he still has that blind faith that he can run around like a maniac and not get hurt), sat on his 'boat' while catching fish and speed boating to North Carolina but stopping several times to refuel, getting bit by lobsters when he stepped off his 'boat', used his 'bugs' to sting the doctor, yadda yadda yadda... kid wouldn't stop talking the entire time we were there:) 

There were able to glue his head back together!!  Yeah...no stitches:)

I'm sure this won't be the last trip for Max though.  DJ was here for a nice gluing when he was 3 too:)

On to other news...

My mother is here this week... I love when Mom is here.  My laundry somehow miraculously disappears and my dishes seem to be constantly getting done!!  Oh, and I can do a few kidless activities..lol. 

Franny is sleeping in her crib for longer periods of time but she's been awake until about 11:00 at night.  So, my time is still shot and I can barely get anything done at night... hence the reason for my lapse in this blog.

We had snow over the weekend and I have NO pictures of my kids in the snow.  Perhaps it's because DJ went to a friends house and Kyra went to a friends house and Max has been sick so he stayed in.  We made cookies though... yup... have to blog about that on the other blog I foolishly started.  The recipe is from the CIA cookbook.  Tomorrow..

Went out saturday night with my BIL and his fiancee.  Had a great time... drank not 1, not 2 but 3 strawberry martinis (and the more I think about it, I might have had 4 but can't remember... they were sooooooooooo GOOD)

I think I look pretty darn good!!

That's all I got for you today... hope you're all having a GREAT week:)

Car update... and the Wrecker!!

You know, as I typed in the subject of this post, you could probably say the car is a Wreck or the Wrecker is like our car...keeps on going and going and going and going and when she will stop, nobody knows...

The car being my 1999 Saturn which has about 318,00 miles on it (couldn't bring myself to picture the car itself as it's sooooooo not in it's original form...so here's the planet..hehehehe)

The Wrecker being my little Franny Girl who has really only just begun her journey in the world.

Let's compare stats, shall we??

Saturn                                                                   Franny
13 years old                                                         15 months old
Cheap car with no added crap                              Expensive with lots of added bonuses
     (no power anything here)                                         (very powerful will..stubborn I'd say)
318,000 (yes that's right) miles                              Low mileage though she's getting up there
Navy blue with a pin strip                                     Color depends on the meal she's just had
Defied the odds and lasted this long                      Devine Intervention brought her to us
Will climb that mountain (just a little slowly)          Will climb that kitchen table quickly and effortlessly
My first car that I bought all by myself                   My last child that I birthed all by myself
Dying a slow and painful death                              Living life to her fullest
We are always worried about the end                   We are always worried about her next fall..lol
Contemplating shooting her                                   Contemplating caging her
She's seen a lot of ME                                          She sees a lot of ME and often thinks she's still part
                                                                                        of  ME
No more FM, non-power windows, non               She's nonstop noise maker... not sure if it's AM or
   power drive, poor heat, etc                                           FM, high power of everything, great body
                                                                                        heat

I know I'd much rather have my good old Franny the Wrecker... but, I also wish the Wrecked Car would stick around just a little bit longer, you know??

Long story short...they called to say the car was ready and they couldn't find anything wrong with it.  So, we trek down to get the car (45 min both ways... you know, like 2-3 days worth of gas for the truck)... Hubby warms it up (b/c it starts)... pulls out onto the road and sits at the light.  Dead.. doesn't want to start again.  So, there's hubby, getting out of the car (I'm like 2 cars behind him) trying to push it across the street back to the car place.  Um, did I mention that this area is a Hasidic based community and no one seems to care that a man is pushing a car across the street...and I thought he was gonna get plowed a couple of times by these idiot drivers.  Some nice guy driving a garbage truck pulled over and helped him push it over the curb, though.
So, NOW they find something wrong with it... wonder what they'll charge us for it??  With towing and them looking and finding nothing, we've already spent like $175 bucks.  I don't think she's worth even that much..

And so, the search for a new commuter car begins.  Only, she won't be mine... And this time, we've got to get the Hubster an automatic...lol

Now, about that other Wrecker I got... yup, she's still a Wreck and her sleeping habits are perhaps getting just a tad better.  Think I finally convince the Hubster that HE needs to get her in the middle of the night so that she will not expect a BOOB... do you know how hard it is to NOT give a Boob at 2AM when you are completely exhausted and she is completely relentless??  It's like putting a crack addict next to some white powder and telling them not to touch it...you know??

Have a great day:)