As a mom of 4 and lots of activities, I find myself on the road a lot these days.. Especially now that we have entered Little League Season.. You know, we just couldn't pass up the opportunity to let 2 of them join in the spring time fun of baseball (which entails practices and 1-2 games per week per kid).. But, I digress.. let's talk about Driving:)
As I wonder around aimlessly in my car every day, I am noticing some things happening that I never learned while in Driver's Ed. I'm thinking they changed the laws about driving without my knowledge...and perhaps without yours as well. And so, I am here to tell you what we should be doing on the road instead of what they taught us:)
1. Whenever you are making a Left-hand turn, please make sure you are all the way on the right side of the lane. This will not allow any drivers to continue on their route and will most likely piss some of them off. Just wave a smile as they beep at you when you are finally able to turn.
2. Also, when making a Left-hand turn, please go the speed limit, don't use your blinker and slam on your breaks when you notice you are about to miss your turn. Oh, and then turn your blinker on while you are in the right side of the lane waiting to turn left.
3. Never ever look both directions even when you are making a Right-hand turn. It doesn't matter that a HUGE semi pulling a wide load is actually on the wrong side of the road and heading straight for you.. just keep on going and try to dart out of their way.
4. When there is a merging of 2 lanes into 1.. speed up and try to cut off as many people as possible. You will totally get to wherever you're going a lot (and I mean A LOT) faster by cutting off just one more person even if you have to drive on the side of the road, thus spitting up all the rocks at other cars. Being polite and going every other person is no longer the 'in' thing to do.
5. Also, when merging from 2 lanes into 1.. if cutting everyone else off isn't an option, please tail the person in front of you so that no one else can potentially cut you off.
6. When following someone through a Village Speed Limit of 30 MPH, you can now speed up and pass them with reckless abandonment.. and yes, you Must do this when there is a double yellow line. Those lines mean nothing these days so pass away whenever and wherever you are going!!
7. Should you enjoy sight seeing while driving on a high-way, you Must stay in the Left hand lane and go the same speed as the person to your right. This will make sure no one should ever be able to pass you.
8. When you see someone waiting to turn, putting them in front of you on the road, you should speed up so they think they don't have enough time to pull out but then slow down so they can become annoyed that they really could have made it out before you got there. Give a huge smile and wave as you drive by them.
9. Back on the Highway... when someone is coming up on your Left (shame on you for moving to the right hand lane) and they are about to pass you, make sure you speed up to match their speed thereby making them think they can't get past you so they pulled behind you..slow down again until they try to pass you again and repeat as often as possible.
10. And finally, when you are a mile away from a light and you see it turn to Yellow, you must always floor it so that you can breeze through the light just after it turns Red. I mean, you are the one with somewhere to be that is way more important then anyone else so they should all just wait for you to make it through, right??
I hope you all find these new rules of the road helpful!! Have a great day:)
PS- I feel I need to put this in here as a disclaimer so bear with me- These rulues of the road are totally bogus.. do not follow them..