There are rocks in my Diaper...

Oh geez...that's how my day started today, how about yours??? Oh, and it only went downhill from there...today, I yelled so much at my kids that my throat was soar at the end of the day.  I HATE THESE DAYS!!!  

I don't even think they were so bad, but I'm just getting frustrated with the no listening and all their crap all over the house.  I can't walk 3 feet w/o tripping over some toy or random article of clothing.  And when you ask them to pick up the stuff, they just throw it up the stairs or put it on top of the counter (right above the drawer the item belongs in), or leave milk out on the counter, or leave their bowls of cereal with milk spilled all over the table and chairs and floor, or bring drinks outside but drip the sticky juice all the way from the kitchen to the door, or bath Barbies in the bathroom sink and leave them lying right next to the toilet when done, yadda yadda yadda.  Oh, Kyra is now into cutting her Barbie's hair and doing it...so she took the scissors outside..I asked her to bring them back inside...perhaps I should have been more specific and told her to put them away b/c she left them (SCISSORS) on the bottom step in the house.  Wow... perhaps she should've just given the scissors to Franny Girl instead???  Oh, and when I asked them not to turn the water on anymore, they said OK MOm, no problem.  Not 30 seconds I'm in the house and I hear the water going on again!!!  Really???  

What really made me take off on the whole yelling was when I walked into the room and saw all the crap that I had already asked them to clean up several times still there...and the book-case...don't they know I work in a library and just need it to be a little orderly and not shoved in there???  So, I started pulling everything out so I could fix it and guess what I found??  Yup, the library log I have asked DJ for a million times.  The very one I gave him the other day and told him to put in his bin so it wouldn't get lost.  The very one I've been trying to find and haven't been able to.  That's when I pretty much lost it and was done with them.

Oh, but wait...the day wasn't over yet...you see, Max wants to poop and pee on the potty these days...he's getting really good at the whole pee thing (and he always asks to go pee when you take the diaper off...perhaps I should just take it off for a day and see what happens???)  but the poop thing barely happens...so he sits, plays, sits, plays. etc.  tonight, he decided he needed to pee before tubby and I do tell him to take his diaper off himself (you know...get the whole self-sufficient thing going) and guess what??  Yup...there was poop in the diaper and he decided to stick his finger up his butt to feel it and let me know that there was poop in there...AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wow, that felt better.

I made them all take a time-out while I thought of something they could do.  Oh, I know, both bathrooms need to be cleaned...yes, something they can do.  So, both kids got to scrub a toilet, wipe the whole toilet down, wash the mirror and wipe down the sink/counter area.  Ahhhhhh, yes, something I don't have to do now.  And, they actually did a pretty decent job!!  Speaking of actually realizing they did a good job, let's go back to my whole issue with being able to accept them for who they are... I still struggle with this issue as to why things they do just aren't good enough and are my expectations of them, as children, really too high.  OK, yes, they are.  And yes, they are kids and yes I need to accept that.  God, where did I get this attitude from??  I know that I always struggle with the things that I do and I always feel like I need constant approval in order to feel like I'm doing good or that I am good enough for you.  How do we change that??  People think, when they meet me, that I am one Confident Chic...but, that is not always the case.  I constantly doubt myself and second-guess what I'm doing.  

So, I guess you could say I'm stuck at step #1:  Admitting I have a problem.  I know it and now you all know it.  I think I need to start with myself and accepting myself before I can really and truly accept my children and all their positives and negatives, right???  I know that I cheer them on and tell them they do great...but, I also know that I can be a little rough around the edges and not always tell them how great they really are doing.  I want them to know they are GREAT KIDS!!!  For them, I will work hard to change myself and make myself a better person in order to be a better parent!!  Whew...I think I may have tear in my eye b/c I'm admitting one of my biggest faults.  I get so angry at my husband when he yells at our kids...but I think I get more angry b/c I see some of me in him...does that make sense??  I need to relax a little, you know??

OK...positive thinking... one of my girlfriends keeps me on track with her words of wisdom about kids: are they hurt??  is what they're doing going to hurt them??  can we clean up what they're doing??  will they hurt each other???  well, let's pick our battles and move on...  thanks Melismama for keeping me on track about this...I'm trying!!!  (check out her blog...she's got some great ideas for educating the little suckers as well as some great PARTY ideas!!)

I just want to have FUN with them and not always be the one to tell them what to do, where to go, what they're not doing that they should be, grinding the homework beat, punishing them, etc.  I want someone else to do this stuff so I can sit down and play with them and get in trouble with them...you know??  But, would I still be MOM is I did that??  I don't know.  Perhaps I should try it and see how they react??  No rules for the day??  ha ha ha, they would really think I flipped my lid... 

On another fun note...here is proof that Franny Girl was in the crib!!  AND...she's in there right now as I write this.  She's been up there since 9...wow, was she tired...check out the one after the crib (She only slept about 20 minutes today...hoping she sleeps through the night)

She basically fed herself to sleep in the high chair...lol

 

This is the token shot of them in the ShopRite Car cart...it lasted about 5 minutes before Max did something to her and I would up with Franny by me and Max in the bottom...but hey, he wanted to be buckled in so I didn't have to worry about him getting out!!

Random thought of the day: Ummmm, Twisted Tea Light...DON'T DO IT!!  AWFUL!!  Though, the Blueberry (didn't really think I would like this at all) was not bad.  Not great, but not bad.  So, why in the world would they put 2 Lights in there while the rest are Full Fledged calories??